Monday, April 22, 2013

Ladies, Be True To You

"Let's go across that way"
"Why? That's the long way"
"Because ---- (insert a guy's name) is sitting there. Maybe he'll finally notice"

Recognize that conversation? C'mon, don't pretend. You know you do. I realized it's one you probably hear at least once amongst a group of girl friends.
There's usually that one guy that won't seem to recognize your (or your girl friend's) existance and what's worse, you don't really have any friends in common. So what do you do? You (or your girl friend) go out of your way to "create" a situation where you finally come in contact with this guy. If it doesn't work once, you'll try again. You'll talk loudly about something you know might interest him when he's standing near by, you'll take the same route he does, you'll talk to the few people that know him, you'll try and make sure you even sit next to him (if you go to the same school/uni/ or even church, yes, church) pretty much get the picture or your memory can fill in the rest.

Sometimes, it might not even be that you have a thing for this guy. It could be pure curiosty. You might just want to be his friend. But that's not really the issue. For whatever reason you're doing it, the question we want to look at here is:

Is it right? Is it right to "create" situations where this guy will notice you?
Alright, to answer this question, the first thing I do is go down memory lane.
From the very moment girls become conscious of boys they tend to do the deliberate I'll-make-things-happen-myself thing. Honestly, I've seen it done amongst groups of girls, amongst my friends and -let's be real - I've done it too, way back since middle school!!!! Yes, I assure you. And when I think back to the results - from way back then even to the present day - I laugh.
Because most of the time it blows up in people's faces and they actually only make themselves look silly.


Because they are not being true to themselves.

Don't get me wrong. By all means, if you're that chatty girl that doesn't have a problem approaching anyone go ahead and start a conversation with that guy. But if you're that girl who isn't really chatty, well, it will just look wierd and whatsmore, you will feel uncomfortable.
Again, don't get me wrong. You can step out of your comfort zone. It's a great thing. You can step out of your comfort zone by saying 'hi' to the new kid. By starting up a conversation with that guy. BUT ask yourself, am I being true to myself?
And how do you know the answer to that?

If you have to do things that on a normal day you wouldn't do if that guy was anyone else.
And also...
If deep down, you know in your knowing that when it comes to you, what you're doing is in the "going too far" category.

Again, I speak from personal experience -middle school, high school, uni - when I say the results are hardly ever good. I have yet to see a real lasting friendship form that way. There's just something about letting things happen naturally and letting God do his thing. If you and that guy are meant to be friends (or more) it will happen but in His timing. And if God doesn't want you to become great buddies, well, He knows what He's doing.Trust God. Taking things into your own hands is a recipe for faillure.
In conclusion: In those cases where you want to make things happen yourself, and even at times when you're stepping out of your comfort zone, remember to be true to yourself. If God wants it, it will happen. Sit back and trust Him.

Overall, only you can really know when you're not being true to yourself. You can only judge by your own standards. No one can do it for you. What I've written here are not rules. So you be the judge for yourself in every situation.

I hope I've helped somebody.

Blessings and much love,


  1. Love this photo. It's so classy..
    You have helped me. Thank You. I will sit back and let God be God. There's this guy at my workplace who's so mellow, it's attractive. And to be quite transparent, everyday I go out looking for my husband. In my head, I ask myself, Is he the one? Is he the one? But in time, the LORD will order it. God bless you Funto!

    1. Oh wow! I love this comment and your transparence! Tell me about it! I had to get over that "is this my hubby" mentality with time. Haha. God is good and He'll do his thing! Thanks for sharing with me Maleeka! It's nice to know I'm not the only one that's dealt with that mentaliy. Blessings Sis!