If someone (close or distant) has ever hurt you directly or indirectly, know this, you are not alone. No, you are not. And while I may not know what you felt or what you are feeling, I have been hurt too and so have so many others out there. I've had times when I've just wanted to give up on people, shut myself out and let no one in. People have hurt me in the past and never even knew it. And chances are, I may have hurt someone and not even know. Hurt. That one letter word can run deep.
I'm not really sure if that's what I'm feeling. Or rather if thats what I've felt for a couple months now. I shut it up and refused to visit the feeling. It's been there for a little while that it might even have made me numb. When it hurt and my mind would try and pull me into the bottomless pool of bitterness, I would smile and remind myself "this too shall pass". And friend, it will. Trust me. Actually, don't, trust God. He is the healer. And He will make you whole and yes, you will trust again.
I write scripture on flashcards but I also remind myself of certain things. This "this too shall pass" card has come in handy whenever I think of a certain situation or that I'm down about something. MY GOD ALWAYS REASSURES ME.
There are a few times I feel like speaking out the words: say something in me is disappointed, say it's not fair, say 'how did I ever let myself get to this feeling'? Again, I don't know if it's hurt but whatever it is I don't like it. At times I feel like shouting but what? There are times when I feel like talking about it and then I realize I don't really have the words, even if I did it wouldn't be worth it. I close my eyes and I remember the feeling. That feeling. Maybe it's betrayal. I don't know, but I refuse to give it a name. I tell myself it's not so bad. Quite frankly, it's really not bad. I remember telling my God, I said, "Lord, if this is what I have to deal with while some people have no food on the table or while some aren't sure they'll see tomorrow, then I will gladly take it". Truth is it's not bad at all. But the enemy tries to remind me of the past every so often trying to pull me into that pool of bitterness. And friend, the enemy will try and get you in there but shake it off. Shake it off and move on (philippians 3:13-14). It may hurt. Whatever you're feeling - hurt, betrayal...etc - is not so bad. But only if you make the conscious decision not to focus on it. My friend, it will pass. It is never the end of the world. While what I'm feeling feels so petty, I can only imagine how much worse others must feel. And my feeling of hurt suddenly feels pathetic. Not worth dwelling on. Beloved, it's not worth dwelling on.
So, again, if someone (close or distant) has ever hurt you directly or indirectly, know this, you are not alone. Others have it worse. Others don't. But however heavy the burden, you will get through it (He won't give you more than you can handle). Rest in God. Ask Him to heal you. Don't give the devil a chance. Bitterness is trap of the enemy. Don't go there. Instead HOLD ON and FOCUS ON GOD. He will heal you.
Smile because He loves it when you do. Cry if you must but let Him wipe your tears. Continue trusting and giving people a chance because that's what He'd have you do. Just be wise in doing so.
Proverbs 4:23 says to "Guard your heart..." love but love wisely.
Pray for those that hurt you and love them anyway. God is love. You are His. He would have you love and love hard. So, love them anyway! You'll be doing yourself so much good!
I will love and while I'm at it, I will love hard.
May God Bless you abundantly!